Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
