FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
