Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
