New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
