I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
