he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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