Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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