I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will pee on everything he values.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
