New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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