I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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