It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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