for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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