It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
