Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
