Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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