I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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