I'm so fucking centered right now
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
