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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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