Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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