She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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