just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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