I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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