see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
