Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
