Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
