Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
