Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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