Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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