tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
