Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
