You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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