There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize