Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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