so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
