Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
