4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
