In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I lost the right to judge tonight
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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