That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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