I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
