There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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