you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
