I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
