first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
