Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
