I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
