Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
