What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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