how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
