My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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