I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You are a genius and a whore.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
