where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
