I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
