so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
