Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
