No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
