Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
