Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
