i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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