I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
