Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
