Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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