I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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