he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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