I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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