Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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