the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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