Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
