okay pat passed out under dana's car
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
