I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
