On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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